User blog comment:Shieldmaiden/Emanon/@comment-988934-20090915235734

Now that is a good beginning, it has everything mixed in, mystery, resentment, that overpowering feeling of things greater than yourself. Generally the makings of another very interesting fanfiction, the type which, if BJ decides to go easy on his copyrights, would get published upon completion.

From what you've written so far, I think I have a fair idea what happened before the Thousand Season Isolation, but I'll keep my mouth shut ;) I can't wait to see how this story will turn out.

The Criticisms: As I usually say when I am reviewing stories, watch the grammar and punctuation. Some examples:

"The Brother turned quickly in the hall, startled. His gaze fell on a slightly built young mouse with quick dark eyes, Emanon, the Abbey Enigma. He was kind and gentle, intelligent and clever, but he had some rather unusual ideas, Not to mention his leg."

"It was a haunting tune, with a melancholy so sad and sweet you could feel your heart melting away."

"Only one creature was unaffected by the tune as he stared intently at the two creatures..."

There are others, but the only way to improve is too find them yourself xD

One question though, what do you mean by "expiditions"?