User blog comment:Umrag the Destroyer/The Corsair Invasion/@comment-988934-20090912083842

Definitely a interesting story with plenty of imagery; this disease intrigues me as well.

What I like:

For one, the disease itself is proving to be a bone for my curiosity to gnaw at, what is it?

Two, the way the hare so easily, almost willingly, gave up the location and fighting strength of the survivors is also quite puzzling. Hares are normally tight-lipped to the end, but their resolve here seems to be wavering.

Three, the otter vs corsair battle is quite lively and I always like a good battle.

Four, that declaration at the end of chapter one is classically noble, strong sounding, but not cheesy. Something that is hard to do.

Criticisms:

Improve your formatting! I just can't tell you enough about how many good stories are ruined by authors bunching up their dialogue together like that. It's a pain to read and confusing for the story to flow smoothly as people often get one line confused for the other.

Grammar is always important and so are sentences, please reread the story to find your mistakes.

Explanations and possibilities come into play again. How did the slaves acquire the weapons? How many corsairs are on the ship, or how many have to be on the ship to overwhelm the better trained otters?

Overall, a very fascinating story =D